When one is forced to use a postage stamp showing the face of a militant feminist, one must include a note of apology. This will ensure the recipient of your correspondence will not take the assumption that the envelope contains hate mail and discard it before opening.
If you fare evade, you should be shot.
Here’s a frightening thought: These people will now be given guns.
What’s more, they will be given almost the same powers as trigger-happy police.
Some of the new penalties will be as follows:
- Taking too long to validate your Metcard
Full cavity search.
- Myki not working
Detained for 24 hours.
- Fare evasion
Shot on sight.
Good on you Ted, making us all feel safer. Now, who’s going to protect us from the ticket inspectors?
I have updated the “If you fare evade” ad. It is slightly more relevant now.
Katter’s Australian Party, or the old Sky News?
A Free Book
Today (like any other day) I arrived home from my required 8 hours of enforced slavery, parked my car (ensuring none of my bastard neighbors nor their fucktard guests had stolen my parking space), and walked towards the door. But today was different. My usual mindless routine (head spinning from a full day of cranial rape) had been rudely interrupted. Today, at my doorstep was something I was sure was not there before. I had to think. Did I put this here? In my Monday morning semi-comatose state, had I placed an object I had never seen before at my doorstep in attempt to confuse myself later that day? Unpossible!
I looked down at my doorstep to see this:
A book! Yes, that’s what it is- a book. And not just any book, but a free book. Excited, I scooped up the book and unlocked the door, keys shaking in my hand as I anticipated the joy of running inside and reading it.
As I entered my home (nearly tripping on my collection of shoes), I sit down and begin to read.
AAABAAB Tv Antenna Parts Bntligh 9553 7170 AAABAAC Telephone & Antenna Outlets Installed High 1300 731 162 AAA Back Open Locksmiths Lvl1/1QueensRd Mobile Telephone…
The story made no sense. I wondered how such rubbish could be published. I then remembered how I came into possession of the book; Someone had dumped it on my doorstep.
Had this been an act of rage by one of my bastard neighbors, disposing of a regretted purchase? No, it couldn’t be. Today is bin day. Surly they would have just thrown it in the bin?
It could have been an attempt to directly insult me. Leaving such rubbish on my doorstep. I mean, the only thing worse would be a Danielle Steel novel. But no. This was a far too cunning stunt for any of my enemies to think up. It had to be something else.
Then the thought hit me. This book was left here by the author. Clearly hurt by the rejection of every publisher in existence, this man/lady/other decided to publish it themselves and, in attempt of promoting their work had dropped free copies on doorsteps.
Unfortunately the author has not only failed to write, but also failed in promotion as the work was delivered unsigned.
And so anonymous, if you’re still out there drowning in your pool of wine with tears flooding your empty room of sorrow as you realize the error of your ways. Please contact me as I would like to return your book.
In the meantime, I shall keep it in my pile of other useless and unwanted “gifts”.
Taxi Driver of the Year
Image Credit: Reinis Traidas, Flikr
It seems we all like to complain about taxi drivers, but really, who else is going to drive you home in the middle of the night?
“He couldn’t even find my street.” Well of course all taxi drivers are expected to memorize the entire Melway.
“He couldn’t even speak English.” I’m sure in the state you were in, neither could you.
Taxi drivers put up with a lot and when it comes down to it, if we only offer negative feedback, how can we expect them to do anything out of the ordinary?
I propose an annual award to encourage drivers who provide outstanding service. Call it: Taxi Driver of the Year. The only issue would be how everyone would getting home from the award ceremony.
In the meantime, share your positive experiences with the VTD. As you can see below, they do appreciate it.
RE: Compliment > Taxi
Thank you for your letter dated 20 March 2011, to the Victorian Taxi Directorate (VTD) regarding your positive experiences whilst travelling in a taxi.
The VTD appreciates your feedback and is always pleased to hear of taxi drivers who have provided exceptional customer service which is professional and courteous such as the one you have recently experienced.
The VTD is the government regulator for the taxi and hire vehicle industries. Our role is to ensure that the services provided by these industries are safe, clean, professional and reliable, and that industry participants adhere to service standards and regulations.
We have taken the liberty of contacting the driver and your comments have been passed on to him.
I recently made a trip to Albury. There was no reason for this madness and apart from seeing a few cows, the trip was all but regrettable.
